JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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