My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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