I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
