How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
