yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Couch. On fire.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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