Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
