Umm I'm too high to move.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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