is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
