youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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