my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
