I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
