Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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