I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
