is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My vagina just recognized that song.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
