I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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