this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
