Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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