I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
