you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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