She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
