Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
