Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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