You're so nebulous sometimes
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
