i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
