hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
