It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
where am i from again
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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