Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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