saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wish there were birth control emojis
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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