just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
