just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
