my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Alive.
So much puke
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He has the fingertips of a God
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