remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
