dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
