there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
