I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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