is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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