im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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