this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
