How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
