I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize