hotel room ftw
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
