I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
