Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
