were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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