I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize