Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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