its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
