Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
