Too much gin, very little bucket
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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