okay pat passed out under dana's car
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
