I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
