Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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