she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
