at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
