I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
