After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
