I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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