if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
