I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize