I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
