Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
