So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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