what day is it and did you see me today?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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