I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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