So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize