Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
