Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize