It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
