I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
