Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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