If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
