Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
