Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
