did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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